i am not scared
of the nights
rather
i am scared
of the night in me
so dark
than all that outside my skin
i can sense a depth in me
i cannot explain
and that is what
scares me most
to touch the veil
that separates me
safely from
the other side… 

my disease is life
my end is in the poems i write
and the night is
a door to dreams that i see
with open eyes
and a silent heart
watching all the magic like
a spectator in the stands
just gazing at all the theory
all the practicality
fade like candle smoke
in the presence of this light
withering like nothings
and i laugh at how
the world is sleeping
as i uncover the secrets
of a universe waiting
to be found. 

and the whole world
may see it differently
yet i see it as it is
really and truly
i can see you
in the light of this night
in the darkness
i can sense the warmth
of that tear falling from your eyes
like rain separated from
her motherly sky
her origin
i can sense how you feel
like a falling feather
helpless in the situation
yearning for a land to fall upon
looking beneath you
the endless earth
staring back from the distance
and you don’t really know
where you will land next
in a heart
or upon a stone, hard
and the fear thus
consumes you so
sucking the life out of you
all your joys and smiles die
to the endless lands of pain
waiting
i know, i feel it deep inside me
and i will be there to hold you
for believe me dear
you shall land nowhere else
but in my lonely heart
i fell this way before
and i know the pain
but i will not let that
happen to you
not again. 

segregating the parts of me
spread across this planet
in different shapes
the floating dust
sings of me similarly
i am a weird puzzle
still breathing
still existing
in pieces
thrown apart
out of circumstances 
so unpredictably common
and my life is a mystery
even to my own eyes
and i cannot sing anymore
as my voice chokes once again
and i must leave this time
again, to find the peace inside
the scheme of my life
the paradox of
my every breathe
ceasing my every opportunity
to free and escape out of
the constant puzzle 
that wraps me… 

something somewhere
will touch your soul
with its blue hands
and transform you
forever…

i have learnt this
through all these years
of discovering extraordinary thoughts
in the ordinary scheme of things
and no matter how different
the outside world is to me
i am unchangeably changing within
outside the confinements of the real world…

something in me screams
and my voice does not
something in me listens
without ears
something in me is
watching life
from deep within my skin
and i don’t know how… 

i have been 
weaving water
with bare fingers
light drops
of dew
of softness
i wove into verses
and spilled it
painted it in a way
an artists’s brush
kisses the canvas
with delicate touches
of eternal love
stored there
to yell to the world
in whispers
what beauty means
for me its my love for
the unseen and immortal things of life
for me it is
the dirt shining like gold under the morning sun
for me it is
the way drops of rain
rest upon leaves
for me it is
the love of the singing bird
for the sky
her sweet voice
filling me with devotion
for everything born out of
mother nature’s womb
for me it is
the song in my heart
that hath no words
for me it is
the smile you hold right now
as you read my words… 

i might never really be able to
let go of the pieces left in me of you
sometimes in empty nights
i fill myself with them
like filling sand in empty boxes
pastimes like those kids indulge in
in days when i feel the sun is too bright
i would hold your letters between me and the sky
for shade from the heat, from the burns
evenings when there is nothing to indulge
i indulge in thoughts of you as my eye stares
at the passing shadows behind translucent windows
sometimes when the world celebrates
and i am alone, i celebrate my times i spent with you
like a nun burning candles in a church
i would burn my love for you in moon-light burning my garden
and as time passes it all seems to grow very deep
and i am not moving anywhere, just closer and closer
to you every moment, every hour, every day and year
and my heart beats rush like a wild river
and my chest seems to hold an immortal storm
of your love, destroying me to threads made of unbreakable memories
flying away from my core and once again
i stand where i always stood
i stand there alone. 

sometimes
we forget
what precious things
we had within
till time erodes that space
and leaves behind
a kind of screaming emptiness
bitter than any poison
stronger than any death
and wiser than
any truth…

shy within
manifesting in
a restricted way
of life
how struggles weaken
my tender soul
only i can tell
and sometimes
even i cannot
comprehend
the depths within
deeply absorbing
the experiences
that are thrown at me
by life… 

i would die
submerging in sadness
i would outlive pains
with the excess of it
in veins that have
grown unbreakable
with time’s traumas
only strengthening
the threads that compose
the life woven within… 

scared of the wind
tonight the shadows
scare to too
there is a restless wind
trapped between my ribs
struggling to breathe
the poison out of my blood
suffocating with thoughts
i roam in loneliness trapped
i am afraid of the past
and the future too
tonight is hard
and time weighs too heavy
for me to bear it, live in it
i am helplessly submerging
in the dim gloom of this womb
my room traps the smoke
choking me to near death state
i can hear moaning inside me
and i don’t know how to stop
all these crazy things
so i sit up wide awake
as the nights carves me
a note of truth
“if you survive tonight,
you shall survive tomorrow too”
and with a little more courage
i shall see this through
live away in fear
beneath this last piece
of the night left… 

i have just started
it seems
on the path to
discovery
i have just started
to bend my perceptions
safely opening
to a reality
that’s far bigger than
what the eye can see
or the mind can know…