that land where
my heart lives
I yearn to be there
sometimes…

when the world seems
rather dull
vague
and uninterestingly slow and mean 
i turn pages of books
search people inside
or search emotions
hidden in my own chest
dig it with a digging metal piece
or a piece of shattered mirror
fallen from a far away past
I wish I could be more efficient
and it seems I am not a very good explorer 
for though I dig through nights
and days long
silently
hidden from eyes
watching me and thinking
that I am so ordinary
so boring
I am still digging through
eyes and hearts
for a space warm
kind and caring
eyes that show me love
yet I fail so perfectly in
evey venture
of this kind
everywhere I sense
walls falling
or the ground shattering
as I hear lies decorated
like christmas lights 
upon people’s faces
I sense a deep resentment
screaming through
my veins
and a missed heart beat
but I thought
and kept thinking
that things will be different
but they never change
there lie the same old waters
of rusting wine
stinking and corroding
the beauty of nature
of human values
of love
of hope
of life itself…