Life

whatever was life
i don’t know what to say
words are a way
i found for myself
but i am still a lost soul
in the middle of it all
i may smile
and yet not be happy
and with everything
going fine
i feel not fine
for the gaping depth within
is expanding ever more
life? where’s life?
they say “you don’t have to do
what you dont wanna do”
really? i ask
how happy am i with
the decisions i made
no one can tell
not even me
for the way time
left me behind
was a perfect tragedy
in my life
i was left wondering why
i was blind to things before
and now i see them clear
so clear that
i turn away now
from the harsh lights
i run away and seek
corners to spoil the time
not insanity
just plain fear  
infests my life
and the pace at which i move
i am a toddler inside
seeking safety and peace
though i know
i shall hardly find
what i look for
i do not intend to stop
art and poetry helps
in beautiful ways
the blue days turn a bit light
with canvas and paints
covering my shell on the inside
and i am glad sometimes
to be alive
well, more than all this
my life actually rests
in the future
i await a dream
to be born soon
and that day
i will change this poem
into a happier one
for i will truly be
happy on that day
with my love, the ocean
and my passion, the colors
by my side
and my life
a bit more balanced
and safe…